Racial Responsibility Summer Series /teacher Spotlight: Wendi Workman

What have you learned about yourself from books, podcasts, essays, speeches and words of Black and brown people?

I have learned that even though I have no conscious racist thoughts or actions, racism is still inside of me, because it is inside of all those who live within a racist system. Racism is this insidious environmental toxin none of us can escape, we all have it inside our minds and bodies and even our hearts in some way. We must sit in the discomfort, the pain, the heaviness, and the guilt and shame of our own contributions and complacency to learn about it, ourselves, and the world around us. This is most crucial for white people, and it is our responsibility. We all have this deep inner knowing that things are unwell in our world, and dehumanizing others for personal gain is the root of our social struggles (to put a very complex, nuanced thing very simply). None of us are free until ALL of us our free. I learned that racism is part of me and it is my responsibility to deprogram it from myself, and that this is the first step in racial social justice work. I have also learned that my empathy is deep, and that I can understand and hold space for all experiences, even when they are triggering. I am currently reading White Women by Regina Jackson and Saira Rao. It is very slow going because they do not seek to soften their message to make it more palatable to white people. I appreciate the importance of witnessing and holding another’s authentic truth, even when uncomfortable, because I know it is not ME that is racist, but it is the internalized, institutional racism programing inside of me that is uncomfortable. I am practicing sitting with another’s truth that is extremely uncomfortable and even painful for me to witness to help me build strength in holding space and showing up with love for all humans. I can empathize with her and other’s experience while also feeling my own deep pangs of guilt, shame, and frustration for the harm our white-centric societies have done, so that I may learn how to show up better for others and the community, rather than run away and avoid the issue.

What can you do to counter the idolization and demonization of Black and Brown people?

I can practice countering harmful comments made by others, and I can practice doing so in a way that does not further the divide by shaming and blaming but in a way that helps others see the limitations and harm done with those ideas, and how external forces seek to divide and pit us against each other for their own gain. I can practice noticing what social programming surfaces when I see or meet Black and Brown people, investigate where these programs within me came from, what their purpose is, and what their effect is on all parties. From here I can learn how to deconstruct these within myself so that I can show up better for the collective and add my energy behind deconstructing harmful stereotypes that idolize or demonize Black and Brown people around me. I can practice seeing Black and Brown people as the whole and individual human beings they are with their own rich experiences, lives, stories, and ways of being in the world. Which is how we should approach every new person we meet anyway.

Where has/does binary thinking create a barrier to your growth in your anti-racism social justice work?

At the beginning of my journey into racial social justice work it was incredibly hard to hear that because I am categorized into the white demographic, I have inherently been “enjoying undeserved privileges.” It was painful because I have grown up amidst many traumas and tragedies and spent most of my life not feeling good enough, as do most of us, I think. Living in an authoritarian and punitive social environment, I internalized self-judgment, self-loathing, and self-punishment, which led to slowly destroying myself for the pursuit of feeling worthy in our toxic capitalistic dehumanizing culture. So to hear I’ve been privileged and didn’t deserve what little ease or few gifts I have experienced was a heavy notion to sit with for a while, and it threatened to undo all the self-worth I had managed to build up to that point. This was very binary thinking due to getting stuck on the idea of “privilege.” This binary really had me stuck in confusion and frustration for a while. Now, however, I am able to take a bird’s eye view and disengaged myself emotionally to see the truth in this. I suppose I still struggle with the binary thinking around the term “privilege” because what are referred to as privileges I see more as human rights- the right to a safe and comfortable home that feels like a sanctuary, the right to clean and safe drinking water and nourishing food, the right to a meaningful education, the right to be loved and feel worthy simply because you exist. We have the resources to meet the physical human needs of everyone, but it is gatekeeping based on fear, dehumanization, and scapegoating that keeps equitable and healthy systems and communities out of our easy reach. My binary thinking here is: if we call them “privileges” it is implied that we have to earn them, whereas if we call them “rights” it is implied that we are inherently worthy of them, which I think creates more space for us to find motivation to set boundaries and fight for them, rather than focusing on jumping through arbitrary hoops that hold no true meaning for us as individuals but are necessary to “earn” what we are already worthy of. Binary thinking also presents challenges when trying to discuss emotionally-charged political issues with those less ideologically aligned with us. So many, especially those that are loudest, are so ruled by their opinions and beliefs they are unable to tolerate the existence of other ideas or perspectives, let alone have a healthy discussion based in curiosity and a desire to understand “the other” and work collaboratively toward a solution that all can be content with. Identifying with political beliefs means that any disagreement feels like a personal insult, and we need to move away from this habit because this binary leads to the binary of “you’re either with us or against us” attitude, which is extremely cultish and harmful to all involved.

Question to ask yourself- “What questions are missing to practice truth and reconciliation as I continue to take responsibility for racism and acknowledge it in me, around me, and in the systems, I partake in?”

I guess the questions for me always are “What am I missing or not seeing?”, “How can I do better?” and “Whose perspective needs to be heard?” As long as I am still asking these questions I know I am on the right track, because as soon as I think they are answered, I’ve fallen away from the core of this incredibly important and meaningful work.

Thank you, Wendi, for your insight, honesty, and commitment to revolutionize love!